


Verona's Most Eligible

by being_alive



Category: Romeo And Juliet - All Media Types, Romeo And Juliet - Shakespeare, Romeo et Juliette - Presgurvic
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Crack Treated Seriously, F/M, Inspired by The Sims, Multi, POV Third Person, and also a certain save, or to be more specific the bachelor(ette) challenge
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-03
Updated: 2020-04-03
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:00:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23454418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/being_alive/pseuds/being_alive
Summary: ARE YOU SINGLE? ARE YOU A FAN OF THE INTERNATIONAL POPSTARLADY C?WOULD YOU LIKE THE CHANCE TO DATE HER DAUGHTER ON LIVE TELEVISION?APPLICATIONS FORVERONA'S MOST ELIGIBLEAVAILABLEHERE---Or, the fic in which Juliet stars in her own dating show and chaos ensues.
Relationships: Benvolio/Juliet Capulet, Juliet Capulet/Escalus (Romeo and Juliet), Juliet Capulet/Friar Laurence, Juliet Capulet/Mercutio, Juliet Capulet/Paris, Juliet Capulet/Romeo Montague, Juliet Capulet/Valentine, implied Nurse/Friar Lawrence, past Mercutio/Tybalt
Comments: 4
Kudos: 6





	Verona's Most Eligible

**Author's Note:**

> This was just supposed to be a save on the sims where I wrote a fic about Juliet and whoever won but then thanks to certain members of the RetJ discord (you know who you are), _this_ happened instead.

There are two certainties in life: taxes, and that L.A. Mort, producer, director, and label owner, among other things, is damn good at doing whatever it is they want to do. Which is, of course, why the fact that their favorite client's recent record sales have dropped steeply, seemingly without any reason whatsoever, along with a sharp decline in social media followers and a decrease in popularity in every poll that they're ordered makes no logical sense whatsoever.

Just as they tap their nails against their desk and wonder if they should add a third certainty in life to the list, which would be that their assistant can never bring their coffee in a timely manner, said assistant comes hurrying in.

"Tod," they say, exasperatedly, as their assistant places the travel mug onto the desk without putting a coaster down first. Their assistant smiles sheepishly and quickly rectifies his mistake while hurriedly explaining, "There was a line."

"I hope for both of our sakes that there won't be a line next time," L.A. Mort says, fixing Tod with a piercing smile as they continue, "But for now, Tod, darling, just get back to work."

Tod nods, and rushes out of their office and back to his desk. L.A. Mort reaches out and picks up the mug before leaning back in their chair. They sip their extra hot white chocolate mocha latte with steamed two-percent milk and three shots of espresso, and try to think of a solution to their client's problem. As they do so, their gaze falls upon the picture of their client and their client's daughter hanging on the wall. Everything falls into place then, and they call out, "Tod, darling, be a dear and call Lady C for me. Tell her that I've had the most wonderful idea."

\---

__

_ARE YOU SINGLE? ARE YOU A FAN OF THE INTERNATIONAL POPSTAR **LADY C**? WOULD YOU LIKE THE CHANCE TO DATE HER DAUGHTER ON LIVE TELEVISION?  
APPLICATIONS FOR **VERONA'S MOST ELIGIBLE** AVAILABLE HERE  
REQUIREMENTS:  
UNMARRIED  
NO CHILDREN  
PROOF OF EMPLOYMENT/UNIVERSITY ENROLLMENT  
PROOF OF VERONA RESIDENCY  
NO VENEREAL DISEASES_

\---

Mercutio is reading over what is perhaps the strangest email he's ever received, which is saying a lot considering some of the websites he's subscribed to over the years, when Valentine comes up and loops his arms around Mercutio's shoulders and rests his chin on the top of Mercutio's head.

"Do you mind?" Mercutio asks, slightly annoyed. Almost immediately, Valentine answers, in the airy voice he always gets when he's trying to focus on more than one thing at once, "No."

Mercutio sighs, and lets Valentine read the email without further complaint. At least it's not from one of the more questionable websites, Mercutio tells himself. After a moment, Valentine asks, "So, are you going to enter?"

"Maybe. Sounds like it could be fun, though," Mercutio replies, and smiles as he pictures the look on Tybalt's face upon seeing him with his darling cousin. Yes, that would be just he deserves, Mercutio decides, his smile widening.

Valentine's phone _pings_ and he finally releases Mercutio from his grasp in order to check it. Mercutio rubs the top of his head and opens the webcam on his laptop in order to fix his hair. After his hair is sufficiently fixed, for even more fun, Mercutio hits the forward button and types in the email addresses of his two dearest friends. Just as he hits send, Valentine laughs softly from behind him. 

"Have you been sending Uncle Escalus more cat pictures?" Mercutio asks, kicking his feet out and spinning the desk chair around in order to look at Valentine better.

"Yes, but that's not what I was laughing at," Valentine replies, and then holds out his phone for Mercutio to see as he says, "It seems like we're both in high demand today."

\---

Lawrence wastes no time answering his phone when the screen lights up with the words _Angelica is calling_. She gives him no time to even say a greeting before launching into a frantic rant about something involving the Capulets and a new television show. He remains silent as she explains the situation to him, simply absorbing the information until she asks, "Are you still there?"

"Yes," Lawrence answers, reaching up with his free hand to pinch the bridge of his nose as he adds, "I'm not so sure about this, though, Angie."

"Just think of it as bible camp, except with fewer bibles," she urges. He chuckles and replies, "That would defeat the purpose of bible camp."

"Lawrence," she says, exasperatedly, before continuing, "I'm just worried about Juliet. Her parents really might have gone too far this time, and it would really be a comfort to know that there was someone there to keep an eye on her."

He sighs again, weighing his options, and then replies, "Fine. Send me the link to the application, then."

\---

"May I take your coat, sir?" the maître d' asks, walking around the desk.

"Of course," Paris replies, and hands his coat to the man as he asks, "I'm here to meet Capulet. Has she already been seated?"

"Right this way, sir," the maître d' replies after hanging up his coat. Paris follows him farther into the restaurant, and nods his thanks when they reach the right table.

"What's he done now?" Paris asks as he slides into his seat across from Lady C. She sounds amused as she asks, "Who, my husband or my nephew?"

Paris thinks for a moment and then answers, "Both."  
Lady C laughs and replies, "Neither, actually. Today's meeting is about Juliet."

"Juliet?" Paris repeats, trying to not sound too interested while also forcing himself to not think about all the ways he'd like to get into trouble with her. Lady C smiles as she says, "And about you."

"What about me?" Paris asks, looking across the table at her in confusion. Her smile widens as she says, "I know about your little crush on her, and I want you to know that I wholeheartedly support it. I also know that my daughter is unfailingly stubborn. What would you say if I had a way to get her to be with you?"

Paris doesn't even think, he just immediately replies, "Whatever it is, I'll do it."

\---

"Did you get that email from Mercutio too?" Benvolio asks from the doorway of Romeo's bedroom. Romeo pauses the game he's playing and sets aside his controller to turn and say, "Yes, but I haven't opened it yet."

"You should," Benvolio says, walking into Romeo's room and sitting down in the chair beside his bed. Romeo pats around his bed, no doubt looking for his phone as he asks, "I take it that it's not weird porn this time, then?"

"Not exactly," Benvolio replies, picking up Romeo's phone from the nearby desk and tossing it to him.

"Rosaline," Romeo breathes out, almost immediately after reading the email. Benvolio can't resist the urge to roll his eyes as replies, "I thought Lady C's daughter was Juliet, and Rosaline was her niece?"

Romeo frowns at that before suddenly smiling, "But that doesn't mean I wouldn't see Rosaline if we entered."

Benvolio makes a noncommittal sound of agreement before Romeo's words sink in. He looks at Romeo, eyes wide, and asks, "Wait. What do you mean 'we'?"

\---

The cashier stares at Escalus as he walks in. Escalus smiles courteously and nods, because he supposes that it's not every day that one sees the mayor walk into a McDonald's. Instead of ordering, however, he goes and takes a seat at a table to wait for the person who asked to meet him here to arrive.

His phone _pings_ as he sits, but a quick glance confirms that it's just another cat picture from Valentine. His nephew doesn't even have a cat, so Escalus isn't even sure where he's getting so many pictures from, but he learned long ago to not think too deeply about the decisions made any of his nephews. Not long after he puts his phone away, Mr. Capulet joins him, holding a cheeseburger in one hand and a large soda in the other.

"Escalus," he says, smiling. "I'm so glad you could meet me here."

"I had a break in my schedule," Escalus says with a shrug before asking, "But why here, of all places?"

Mr. Capulet laughs and replies, "I wanted to be somewhere without prying eyes. At least, the prying eyes of people we know. Besides, I was hungry."

"I see," Escalus says, leaning forward slightly in interest as he asks, "What's this about, then?"

"I'm here to call in my favor," Mr. Capulet answers, suddenly serious.

"Oh?" Escalus replies, leaning back his seat, which creaks as he does so, and crosses his arms.

"My wife has come up with this wild idea," Mr. Capulet begins with a slight shake of his head. Escalus raises his eyebrows and Mr. Capulet continues, "That's where the favor comes in. I need someone sensible and rational to be involved."

Escalus nods, leans back forward, and says, "Tell me more about this idea."

\---

The first thing Juliet sees when she gets home is the note taped to the front door reading _family meeting in the studie _. She shakes her head at the typo, enters the enters the house, and makes her way the study. The door opens with a creak, and she glances around the room as she steps inside.__

__Her father is sitting behind the desk while her mother hovers close behind him with her old nanny standing close by. Tybalt is leaning against the wall, arms crossed and scowling. Rosaline is standing near him, and looks at her with pity as she enters. Juliet looks back at her in confusion, and then her gaze falls upon the final person in the room._ _

__L.A. Mort is sitting near the window, nails tapping fast against the screen of their phone. At the mere sight of them, dread settles in Juliet's stomach. Juliet knows that nothing bodes well when L.A. Mort is in her house. The last time L.A. Mort had stopped by, her mother had ended up releasing a Christmas album. This time, God only knows what will follow._ _

__"Juliet!" her mother exclaims as she enters. "Just the person we've been waiting on."_ _

__"Sorry I'm late?" Juliet replies, raising her eyebrows. Her mother smiles and replies, "It's fine."_ _

__"Two problems have been brought to my attention," her father begins upon a sharp glance from her mother. Tybalt makes a noise of disgust, but quickly grows quiet upon receiving a sharp glance of his own. Juliet looks at him and wonders what he knows that she doesn't, but then her father continues, disrupting her wondering, "Namely, your mother's plummeting fame and your lack of a boyfriend."_ _

__Juliet looks at her parents in horror before turning her gaze to L.A. Mort as they stand and tuck their phone into their pocket. L.A. Mort's lips twist upwards as they say, "Which is where I come in, with a solution to both problems."_ _

__Juliet wants to retort that neither thing is a problem to her, but the sharp glance from her mother stops her. L.A. Mort walks closer, and stops just in front of Juliet and asks, as they rest their hands on Juliet's shoulders, "Tell me, Juliet, darling, are you familiar with the show the Bachelorette?"_ _

__"I am," Juliet answers, warily._ _

__"Good. We want to do our own version of it, starring you as the leading lady, of course, with seven of Verona's most eligible bachelors competing for your attention," L.A. Mort explains, still smiling as they continue, "I've already selected the bachelors, but you'll get final say, of course, of who you want to end the show with."_ _

__Neither Rosaline nor Tybalt will meet her gaze, while her old nanny and her father look at her expectantly. She looks at her mother last, because she already knows what she'll find. Sure enough, her mother is looking at her pleadingly, and a traitorous and unreasonable wave of guilt passes over her._ _

__"Fine. I'll do it," she says, even as one thought runs through her mind._ _

_This is a terrible idea._


End file.
